WE SPOKE TONIGHT! I was happy to speak to him! I am ALWAYS happy to speak to him because I can be completely transparent and silly with him. We talk about everything and nothing, but to be honest our conversations are pure and therapeutic. I wouldn’t trade a single anecdote not one sentence not one word or punctuation. We are free in our dialogue with one another and that my whims is priceless.
Priceless, until tonight that is… TONIGHT he said
“I love you, you are the best person I know! I don’t feel comfortable making decisions without your input. I think you’re smart and driven. I love that we can laugh, have fun and enjoy the same things. I am so proud of the woman you have become. You are so honest and friendly, my entire family loves you and I am never as peaceful as I am with you.”
and just like that he crushed me…
I know it seems nice but those words should be attached to a proposal right? How can you be that connected and not be in love?
I instantly felt like I use to when I was a 13 year old girl, insecure and searching for what I had done wrong, asking myself why doesn’t he love me back? I struggled with body image for a good majority of my life. A struggle that I was sure I had overcome. BUUUUTTT almost 17 years later here I was thinking the only reason he doesn’t “want” me is because I’m not SLIM! It’s the thought that has haunted me all my life, a fear that my weight would clog my love life and arteries. I asked myself does less pound mean more attractive? I needed to know so I proceed to download an app to see how I would look skinny…
(The same really)
So I sat looking at this photo-shopped version of myself and then….
the only HE that matters spoke louder than the voices that tormented me. HE told me that HE does love me! HE has a plan for me and HE is not concerned about what society thinks of me. HE made me beautiful. Then HE reminded me that HE delivered me!
I quickly laughed at the enemy. I am married to Christ and I am gorgeous, I am sure of this because I resemble Him. and just that quick I am free again!
The moral is don’t allow external things to contaminated the beauty within. The right person will love all of you after you love all of you. For my singles it’s not personal when you are waiting on God for your soulmate, God is preparing the both of you. Two broken piece will never make 1 whole, the potter is perfecting you so that you will be seamless at I Do!
Good Luck Whims!!!
BTW- That’s me up there lol!